Thursday, June 21, 2012


I have to say after this pregnancy (#3) my emotions have been much different this time around. I am not one to be emotional (even though the hubs might disagree) and I sure don't where my emotions on my sleeves very often so these feelings left me feeling off and maybe odd too. Since I was having another boy and another c-section there would be nothing different.

See after having both Will and Luke I never had baby blues, I was immediately in love and was nothing but happy, very laid back and dealt with my life as best as I could. I would never say I had the baby blues after Westin but I just felt different, not myself, alone, everyone else's life goes on, very lonely, my life is over, my life had changed, what have I done, I want another one, I'm so skinny, I'm so fat, why did we get my tubes tied, I want to go back to work, I want to stay home with my babies forever, I want a night out, I have no friends, I love my friends, why has my husband not called me today from work, he doesn't love me, I don't love him, oh my gosh I could not love him more than I do now, Will hates me, Luke hates me, I have ruined their lives having Westin, gosh they love me so much, I don't deserve this perfect life.... Yall seriously the emotions have been all over the place! These are all thoughts I have had over the past several months.

Having a baby changes you. Some good, some bad. The past few weeks I have felt much better, getting the hang of having another little lovie to love on. The one thing that I never could get enough of was Westin. It has been he and I through this journey together and seeing him give me that gummy smile, it makes my heart skip a beat, no lie. That child has still brought more joy to my life and this family than I could ever imagine. I'm trying to find the happiness in my life now. The hubs and I have made so many plans for our future, there are so many things we want for our children and we are making it happen. That is something I could not be more proud of, I am so blessed! 

The feeling I'm feeling most lately, is not to miss one good moment with my children. They will only be children for such a short time. I want them to look back and have happy memories of their childhood. I want them to grow up to be successful, strong, happy, smart young men. I also want any of you to know that having these feelings are not all bad. It is good to be humbled to feel this way to realize what you really do have. Yes most of my feelings I descriped are irrational, I get that now but just know that this too shall pass. It passed thankfully and I'm looking forward to raising these boys with my perfect for me, adorable husband!

I hope you all are doing well and are blessed! I need a page makeover in a BAD way, anyone know how to get rid of your personalized page to just get a normal page? Or should I find someone else to personalize it for me? Either way it needs an update in a bad way!!


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