Wednesday, September 21, 2011

All over the place post

This post will be kind of all around the place.

I have always (in a way) feared having "older" kids. The baby part and young child stage to me has always been easy. It is when you have to start shaping them to be the young men you / God wants them to be is what makes my hands sweat just thinking about it. It's a huge responsibility.  

To me, Will is at a critical age. He is 7, about to be 8, and he thinks he is 13. He wants to be so much bigger than he is at this time in his life. He is the sweetest child, a worrier and always concerned about others. He likes being friends with everyone. He has all different kind of friends and that is where I begin to worry. He is at the age where I can only control him at home. I am a big controller, I like to have complete control over all 3 of the men in my home. It is a weakness of mine but I'm being honest here. 

I worry for Will because I have noticed different behavior in him lately that I / we do not like. It might be normal, it might be him just trying to find his way in his world. Either way we don't like it and I try to let him know that "we don't act like that". Not to "make" him be the only way we want him to be, but it's just not appropriate for our household.

I do worry about failing the boys. I worry about not giving them enough time, attention or love. I worry about not teaching them enough about the bible and not teaching them all of the proper things. All I can do right now is my best. I do feel very close to the boys, we play every evening and have fun together. Homework is a family affair and we sit down to eat dinner together each night. Daddy does the baths mostly while I fix dinner or clean up after dinner. We both tuck them into bed and usually read stories and pray together.

I sometimes wonder if that's enough. Should I be impacting their lives in a stronger way?

With another baby coming into the family I think it has sturd up all of these feelings. I never want my children to feel like I'm too busy for them or that they can't come to me and with adding another little one I sure don't want them feeling any of these feelings. I never felt this way when I was pregnant with Luke. It was probably because Will was only 2 and he felt nothing but LOVE to us and his new baby brother.

Thanks for listening and I'm sure I'm doing a great job just because I'm doing my best and that is all I can do. It just these crazy hormones.. lol!
Hope y'all are having a blessed Wednesday!
If you have ANY suggestions on good books I can read, let me know!!

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